Woman dies after hearing Trump say ‘schlonged’


Woman dies after hearing Trump say 'schlonged' PAUL, Minn. — A 38-year-old woman has succumbed to injuries she received after hearing Donald Trump use the word ‘schlonged’ to describe Hillary Clinton’s failed 2008 presidential bid.

Greta E. Steria, an adjunct professor at the University of Minnesota, was listening to NPR’s “Morning Edition” in her office on Tuesday when she heard a clip of Trump’s Monday evening speech in which he blasted the Democratic front-runner.

Colleagues say that Steria was literally blown to the floor, and that her face turned bright red while pure righteousness started oozing from her mouth.  

“It was horrifying,” said Brian Deacon, who shares an office with Steria. “You could see that she was in a lot of pain, but she couldn’t explain why. I kept asking what was wrong, but she couldn’t tell me. Maybe she didn’t know.”

Sources say that Steria had a long history of intolerance for cocky white males.

“It would appear that hearing Trump utter that word — whose name we shall not say — struck the victim in the head like a long, uh, you know,” said St. Paul police spokesperson Lt. Grant Bain.

One expert suggests that Steria may have suffered from an attack of acute moral indignation, and that her normally high level of outrage rose to a fatal level.

Minnesota Democratic Party chairperson Dick Wang is calling for charges to be pressed against Trump, calling him a “huge prick” and saying that the Republican is continuously giving the shaft to the American public.

“Donald Trump needs to learn that words matter,” Wang said. “You can’t just go around taking everyday nouns like ‘schlong’ and turning them into assault verbs. This is why we need laws to address this kind of thing.”

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