While the media focus on atrocities committed by ISIS, few people are asking this question: what do ISIS fighters really want? Dandy Goat correspondent Abu Batsheet Quazi spent a few days in the Islamic State to find out.
I want to raise awareness of [rare blood disorder] Wiskott-Aldrich Syndrome, in the hopes that we can get more funding to find a cure.
A giant swimming pool full of Lucky Charms marshmallows
I wish my granny and mom would start talking again.
To be able to spend lots of time with my new best friend, Jamal
-Majed, 37 (left) pictured with Jamal, 38 (right)
Corrective eye surgery
I want my troops to stop braying like donkeys whenever I give orders.
A proper mix table — that would be wicked, innit?
I don’t want these good times to ever end.
I ain’t saying, because then I might get my head lopped off.
Instructions for this Canon EOS Rebel T5i camera that I nabbed from a kidnapped journalist
*Note: photos used without permission from Dabiq, the Islamic State’s magazine for the “modern, urbane jihadi.”