Everyone keeps saying, “Donald, why are you always insisting that America is the best at everything. That gets on other countries’ nerves.” I never said that America is the best at absolutely everything. I didn’t. Technological innovation, military stuff, action movies, basketball, yeah, sure. We’re really good at all that. The best. Other countries are okay, and some are just awful, truly terrible. Who goes out to watch a Chinese movie, or cheer for an Egyptian NBA team? Just bad stuff.
I love America. I love it more than anybody. I’m the best at loving America. This country has been so good to me. I look around and I say, we are the best at so much. But not everything. You can’t be the best at everything. We’ve got the best people in the world, except when it comes to top-quality ass.
I’m talking about our women. I love American women. They’re confident, fun, and they have great teeth, but we lost the edge to Eastern Europe a long time ago. Ages ago. If you’ve seen my wife, you’ll know what I’m talking about. She’s from Solvenikstan. You say, that is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. If you haven’t seen her, boy are you missing out. Look at some photos, but not the naked ones some creep left on the internet, because I’ll sue you. Just Google “Melania Trump clothed” and compare what you see to that slob sitting across from you. And have you seen my daughter Ivanka? She is very hot. Her mother is Russian. Do you see what I’m saying?
Don’t get me wrong. America has a lot of potential in this regard. The best potential, because we don’t give up. I’m going to do something about this when I’m president. I know some great people who work in nutrition, and they’re going make sure that our little girls are fed the right stuff to become beautiful. We’re going to have millions of beautiful women by the time I’m done. We already know what the mainstream media is going to say, those losers. “But Donald, what about fully developed adult women, you can’t do anything about the way they look.”
Donald has a great plan for that, too. America sets the bar for cosmetic surgery. You got people from all over the world flocking here to steal our know-how, to learn how our guys do plastic surgery. Then these foreigners go back to their countries and make a ton of money. This isn’t a win-win situation. This is a lose-win situation. Here’s what I’m going to do:
Let’s keep those aspiring plastic surgeons coming here, paying tuition, because you can’t blame them from wanting to learn from the best. We’ll say, “Okay, we’ll give you your student visa for six years, come learn the secret to great tummy tucks and nose jobs. But before our medical schools hand over that degree, you’re going to do five years of plastic surgery on our women, for free.” That’s like 1000 procedures per foreigner, per year. Our women will be perfect in no time.
“But Donald, what if I like the way my wife looks, and what if I don’t want some overworked Peruvian medical student taking a scalpel to her tits?” Stop settling for less than best. What are we, Canada? If we’re going to make this country great again, we need to get off our butts and work for it.
It’s not just these beautiful Eastern European women we need to worry about. I’m thinking about the future. China’s on the move. In China, they’re doing stuff to their women that you wouldn’t believe. They’re doing plastic surgery on an industrial scale. The whole country’s mobilizing, because they want their women to be the best in the world, and unless we act, we’re going to be nothing in no time. And I don’t want us to be nothing. Because we’re not nothing. We’re so much more than that. Let’s make our women the best.
Donald J. Trump is a businessman and presidential candidate from New York