Trump: I haven’t pooped in years


Donald Trump: I haven't pooped in years Commenting on Hillary Clinton’s lengthy bathroom break during the Democratic debates last weekend, Donald Trump is calling the former secretary of state’s bowel movements “disgusting” and says that he personally hasn’t pooped in years.

“The last time I dropped a deuce, and I shit you not, was sometime during the second season of ‘The Apprentice,’” Trump said. “Who needs it? Not me. I have better ways of getting rid of excrement.”

“Imagine if Hillary Clinton got elected as president, and then right in the middle of some intense negotiations with Russia, she leaves to poop,” he said. “What would Vladimir Putin think? He’d be repulsed. He’d probably invade Poland and imprison a few of his political opponents, because that’s how grossed out he’d be.”

“We don’t need a president who’s going to crap out on us,” he added. “We need a strong leader, someone who can clench his cheeks together no matter how intense the spasms become.”

Sources close to Trump confirm that he never pays visits to the restroom, preferring instead to expel waste matter “from the other side.”

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