Miley Cyrus proving she’s a woman, with all the woman parts — While you may assume that Miley earned a spot on our list thanks to her courageous twerking act, we at The Dandy Goat were not impressed by her sad butt-jiggling. Why, we were twerking in 1992, back when public twerkery was still banned in most states.
Miley made our list by her stunning molting act in which she publicly shed her boyish and underdeveloped exterior and emerged as a curvaceous and mature female.
What will be Miley’s next move in 2014? Rumor has it that she’s toying with the idea of getting pregnant with octuplets to prove, once and for all, her chromosomes are indisputably XX.
You’re a gem, Miley!
Alec Baldwin keeping cool — Even though Baldwin suffers from a medically-diagnosed explosive temper, when a man on the street accidentally bumped into him earlier this year, what did Baldwin do? Did he tear out the man’s throat? Did he blast the man with a slew of gay slurs? No and no. Baldwin turned, gave the man a fierce glare, and went on his way.
Good work, Alec Baldwin!
Woman who walks around while people follow her, walking around: We don’t know her name, but going by the abundance of photos of this woman on the internet, whatever she did to get so famous must have been quite a feat. Perhaps she was paralyzed and was told she’d never again walk — only to miraculously stand and go trotting down a catwalk?
Good job, woman who walks around!
Kanye West and the painted purse — How does a fellow get a classy dame like Kim Kardashian a pricey gift for Christmas, while at the same time showing his humility?
In the fashion of a true gentleman, West bought a knock-off designer purse from a poor Manhattan street vendor. He paid a blind kid a fat wad of cash to personalize the handbag with tempera paint, and he then gave the item to his beloved who, upon touching it, instantly increased its value to 64 million dollars — proving once and for all that charity is the best policy.
Kudos to you, Kanye!