Time ‘Person of the Year’ recipients to receive check for $2.82

Time magazine has announced that it has identified all the recipients of this year’s “Person of the Year,” awarded to the world’s Ebola fighters, and that each will soon receive a check for a share of the prize money.

Interns managed to track down the 354,213 individuals who qualify as Ebola fighters, according to sources. While most recipients reside in West African nations where outbreaks of the disease have been severe, small concentrations can also be found in U.S. cities including Atlanta and New York.

Managing editor Nancy Gibbs says that it’s important to equally divide the million-dollar prize money between all the winners, but she admits that individual portions will have more value in parts of the world where the cost of living is low.

“A million dollars, divided by 354,213, comes out to about 28 bucks each,” she said. “That ain’t bad, not at all. That’ll get you a goat in Liberia, or a burger in Times Square.”

“Sorry, messed up with the decimal,” she added. “That should be $2.82, which is still better than nothing. Almost three whole bucks. How much are Frappuccinos these days?”

As of Thursday, the directors of Time magazine’s parent company, Time Inc., were said to be mulling over an alternative to sending out the 354,213 checks, which in many parts of the world would cost more to deposit than the actual prize amount. One possibility is to instead give all winners a free one-year subscription to the weekly magazine, adding up to 54 issues. Critics, however, say that a subscription is a paltry prize, noting that 54 issues of today’s Time magazine is less, in terms of weight and content value, than a single issue from just ten years ago.