The most popular place in the icy continent to upchuck is Point Wild on Elephant Island, where British explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton’s stranded crew spent four grueling months, eating an occasional seal and sometimes puking it up.
“The vendors of the world — you little sales boys and sales girls who work ten hours a day before returning to your cramped apartment where you eat a cold tin of beans while watching ‘The Voice’ — you need to realize that we are rich,” said Rolan Friedrich, a member of the House of Hohenzollern and activist for the rich. “Very, very well-off. Don’t ever assume we can’t afford something you sell.”
“I called out to see if anyone inside Mr. Beasley could hear me,” said one firefighter. “Sure enough, a little voice says, ‘Help me, please. My name is Mikey, and I’m really scared.'”
“At our current rate of spending, we won’t hit a quadrillion dollars of debt for at least a decade or two,” the report says. “Don’t worry, America. You can go back to sleep. We’re doin’ just fine.”
“From what we know, there’s no way of undoing what the Council deems must be, or must not be,” said Denise Kobayashi, a law professor at Duke. “No veto from the president, no national referendum — not even a unified Congress. No one may contest the Council.”