Taco Bell to begin selling food

IRVINE, Calif. — Taco Bell has announced that starting next month, it will begin offering food, available at any of its 6500 official distribution branches.

“Over the years, we’ve built a loyal customer base,” said Taco Bell president Greg Creed. “They have come to know us as a cheap, reliable sources for fertilizer, and we believe they will feel the same about our food.”

“The population is growing, and people will always need a source of affordable caloric intake,” Creed said. “Breaking into edibles is the right move for a company looking to expand into new markets.”

Menu items will made from mostly organic compounds, and with fun names like “Tacaca Supreme,” “Fiery Mierdita,” and “Cheesy Caga Roll,” they will reflect the company’s Hispanic heritage, as well as its roots as a household name for fertilizer.

This is the third time a major industrial company has branched out into the food sector. In 1987, the petrochemical giant McDonalds started offering meat-flavored sandwiches. Domino’s — the nation’s leading manufacturer of corrugated fiberboard — made a similar move in 1998 when it began selling inorganic flatbread topped with red sauce and a byproduct of milk curdling.