At a press conference in Seattle to unveil the project, Sierra Club president David Snott told reporters that “conventional flush toilets waste billions of gallons of water every day when billions of people in underdeveloped countries are literally dying of thirst and Mother Earth herself — or Gaia, as we affectionately call her — is slowly turning into a withered husk.”
“What we envisage is a world where people pee and poop in trays filled with absorbent biodegradable pellets made from organically treated recycled garden waste,” Snott said. “Much as with a cat box, the pellets could be sifted to remove number twos and occasionally changed when they become saturated with urine.”
The plan was endorsed by one of its major financial backers, environmentalist billionaire Tom Steyer. “We have been using a litter box for several weeks now and we love it. It hardly stinks at all. My family all feel so much closer to nature when we’re using it instead of sitting on a little porcelain throne like toilet Nazis,” Steyer told journalists.
Al Gore is another advocate of litter boxes for people. “We all know that billions of trees are brutally cut down every day just to provide soft double-ply toilet tissue for us to wipe our lily-white western asses with,” said Gore. “The best thing about human litter is that it gets rid of the need for toilet paper. When you’re done pooping, you just scoop up a handful of the pellets and rub them around your bumhole and hey, presto, you’re as clean as a whistle and won’t be leaving any skid marks in your organic hemp jockey shorts.”
The system is set to be installed in the White House. First Lady Michelle Obama is said to be looking forward to using the contents of the First Litter Tray to fertilize her vegetable garden. At present, she and her daughters are forced to squat in the garden to nourish it with their bodily waste, shielded from the prying eyes of tourists and spy satellites by a phalanx of Secret Service agents holding up Mackintoshes.