Stonehenge, located in southern England, was a “quintessentially white” monument that for millennia was a site for white people to gather and celebrate ancient whiteness, says Edwin Rutheredge, a former Yale undergrad turned revolutionary who along with dozens of other protestors swam across the Atlantic Ocean to reach the site.
“A bunch of ancient white dudes, not a drop of melanin among them, were like, ‘hey, we’re white, so let’s build something with these rocks so people know we’re special,’” he said. “They probably walked around in white robes.”
“I’ve seen the movies about the druid priestesses,” he added. “I know what they wore.”
“It’s a proto-Confederate statue, no different than putting the racist, imperialist Cap’n Crunch on a box of beloved breakfast cereal,” said another protestor, still with seaweed in her hair. “Erected by a bunch of fair-skinned Anglos and Saxons or Celts or whatever who didn’t even do the heavy lifting themselves, but forced their dark-skinned slaves to do it.”
“I assume,” she added.
“The message was this: bow before us, or we’ll crush you with our systemic racism,” said another protestor from Connecticut, hiding his face behind a mask so his parents wouldn’t recognize him and cut off his allowance.
The protestors say they’re so pleased with the total lack of police response to their rampage that they’re planning on launching a Global Outrage Tour, during which they’ll travel around the world and demolish anything made of stone that’s taller than six feet and resembles a human.