A spokesperson for Israel’s intelligence service Mossad has confirmed that a former prominent Nazi who was abducted by agents over the weekend and smuggled into Israel to face charges is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II.
Akram Harel says that for years Mossad agents were tracking a fugitive codenamed “Baby Lizzy Goebbels” who, as a child in the 1930s, was responsible for being related to Nazi sympathizers, and who was also known to give the occasional giggly, stiff-armed salute.
The kidnapping and extradition follows last week’s release of grainy footage of a six- or seven-year-old Elizabeth giving the Nazi salute with the Queen Mother — which was the evidence Mossad needed for Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to give the green light for the covert operation.
“We’d been looking for this wicked child Nazi for a long time, but we had no idea that she was also the ruling monarch of the United Kingdom,” Harel says. “But we’ve got her now, and she’s in jail.”
Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Philip, told the Dandy Goat that he’s shocked that Israeli agents managed to sneak into Windsor Castle in the middle of the night and whisk Her Majesty away, but that there’s not much he can do about it now.
“I”m sure [British Ambassador to Israel] Mr. Quarrey will sort it out,” he said. “Let’s carry on and hope they’re not giving her electric shocks.”
Experts say that Her Majesty the Queen, 89, will face a military tribunal in an undisclosed location, and that whatever punishment she receives will be carried out swiftly, but that members of the royal family will have the option to watch it on CCTV.