President Obama awkwardly hits up nation for gas money


President awkwardly hits up nation for gas moneyWASHINGTON — Admitting that even U.S. presidents sometimes blow through all their executive funds sooner than expected, President Obama appeared in a televised address on Tuesday evening to ask the nation for some gas money.

“My fellow Americans, I really hate to do this to you, and I know you’re going to judge me, and that’s fine because I totally deserve it,” Obama said. “I’d like you to help me out with a little cash so I can fuel up Air Force One, just so I can get to work.”

“As president, there are certain places to which I must travel, global events to attend and leaders in other countries to meet,” he continued. “I swear to you that I’m only going to use the money for gas. I’ve mostly quit smoking, so rest assured that I’m not taking your money to buy cigarettes.”

“And in case you were wondering, Michelle and I are foregoing our annual summer trip to Disney World, and instead we’re taking the girls camping on the White House lawn,” he added.

Observers have noted that since Monday, Air Force One has remained in the middle of the tarmac at Joint Base Andrews, and that its pilots and crew appeared exasperated and could be seen holding up signs reading “help, stranded” and occasionally exiting the aircraft to get fresh air or stretch.

“Just so you know, I get paid on the 28th of every money, and to the American people, I make this promise: I’ll pay you back as soon as the money shows up in my bank account,” he said. “Here, how about I write you an IOU.”

One Washington source says that Obama has been feeling the squeeze ever since Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton reminded him of his partisan duty to make more appearances at her campaign rallies across the U.S., a task the president had failed to calculate into his monthly expenses. It has been estimated that every hour of travel in Air Force One costs upwards of $200,000.

By late Wednesday morning, the U.S. had issued a response to Obama’s request. Ross Barrelmaker, a 51-year-old truck driver from Oklahoma and spokesperson for the nation’s taxpayers, says that he and everyone else would be more than willing to help out the president with a little loaner.

“It ain’t like we got other uses for that money, our interstate highways being in fine shape and our vets all taken care of,” Barrelmaker said, slowing making out a $19 million check to Obama. “Just hope he does pay us back by end of the month. We got bills of our own.”

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