Poll: majority only watching debate to hear ‘cuntface’ said on national TV

A recent poll by the Nathaniel Dubbles Institute shows that the majority of Americans who are planning to watch Wednesday’s presidential debate are only doing so in hopes that the candidates will refer to each other as “cuntface.”

While 53 percent say that hearing either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump say “cuntface” on national television is the only reason to endure the 90-minute event, 23 percent contend they will be watching in case Trump refers to his opponent as “Ol’ Ugly McShitstyle.” A further 17 percent say they will tune in because Clinton might address Trump as “Donald J. Smalldick.”

Massachusetts riding instructor Eleanor Jenkins, 43, says that she never watched televised debates in the past because they failed to excite her. However, this year she will have watched all three thanks to the increasingly juvenile playground taunts.

“When I was a little girl, I never thought I’d hear the next U.S. president call an opponent ‘a booger-eating freakazoid’ on television,” Jenkins said. “But now I have hope.”

The poll also shows that 12 percent of respondents are “quite certain” that during the debate Donald Trump will point at Bill Clinton and say, “That man is so dirty, when the waiter asks if he wants crabs, he grabs his crotch and says, oh no, not again.” Meanwhile, nine percent believe that Hillary will remark on how graceful and well-mannered Melania Trump is, before adding “considering that she’s a mail-order whore.”