“Mr. Williams was a brilliant actor and comedian, and we at Pfizer are just devastated that he left us,” said spokesperson Chuck Sussman. “So we’ve decided to do a little tribute for him in the form of a full-page magazine ad for ‘the happiest pill you’ll ever meet.’”
The discreet advertisement will be hardly noticeable, Sussman says, and it will only appear in unpopular niche publications like Vogue, People and Sports Illustrated.
“Actually, it’s a miracle we were blessed with Robin Williams for so many years, and that he managed to give us so much joy,” Sussman said. “It’s a lot like Zoloft, often considered a pharmaceutical miracle worker, the so-called ‘Jesus of Antidepressants.’”
Pfizer vice president Rachel Briggs says when she found out Williams likely suffered from major depressive disorder, she couldn’t help but to cry while wondering how using Williams’ image might encourage others to ask their doctors if Zoloft is right for them.
“‘Awakenings’ is my favorite Robin Williams movie, and incidentally it inspired me to study pharmacology,” Briggs said. “I owe it to him to remind the world that while Zoloft isn’t for everyone, it does help millions of otherwise healthy people who feel like they’re drowning in the Cape of Sorrows under the Storm of Torment.”
“Zoloft brings you to the Island of Hope, where you can look across the Sea of Laughter,” she added. “And do you remember that scene in ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’ where the son comes in and sees Mrs. Doubtfire peeing while standing up? I laughed so hard when I first saw that.”
Sussman says Williams was known for his generosity, and he wants to remind the public that most doctors have been generously provided with hundreds of free samples of Zoloft that are just sitting there, waiting to be given to those who are overwhelmed by recurring sadness. Sussman is also reminding the public that Zoloft is king among antidepressants, and by the way, why isn’t ‘The Fisher King’ more highly regarded?