The jihadis who carried out last week’s attacks in Paris are not to be blamed for their actions, and everything is Bush’s fault or some shit, according to certain observers.
“Not one of those men is at fault for his deeds, and in fact they are victims,” said one commentator. “The real villains are George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, the U.S. military-industrial complex, global capitalism and your grandmother.”
Ibrahim Al-Dingbat, an ISIS operative who was supposed to join the Paris attackers but dropped out after coming down with diarrhea, offered his thoughts.
“It’s true: I cannot be held responsible for my own actions, because I’m a brainwashed six-year-old who hasn’t yet stopped wetting the bed, and I don’t know the difference between spontaneously firing an RPG at a military convoy in Syria, and spending months meticulously planning a coordinated attack in a city 2000 miles away,” he said.
“Just joking,” he added. “And I don’t know who this Dirk Cheney is.”