On Monday, ISIS released a video of captives tied to seats in a room where the recently released blockbuster, which features a team of supervillains conscripted by the U.S. government to save the world from an evil witch and her brother, is being screened.
“[‘Suicide Squad’] is so bad, and it so resoundingly dashed our hopes, that forcing others to watch it again and again constitutes a scary new form of torture, the likes of which we haven’t seen since 2014 when Al-Shabaab used a continuous loop of the final, infuriatingly dumb episode of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ to torment kidnapped Westerners,” said Giorgio Macaroni, spokesperson for Amnesty International.
In the video, up to a dozen prisoners are heard screaming as the opening credits roll.
“Not again, please,” shouts one prisoner in Arabic. “I can’t take it anymore. The characters are so flat and their backstories are so uncompelling that I don’t care about a single one of them, and in fact I hope they all die.”
“And I used to like anything starring Will Smith,” he adds before slumping over and losing consciousness.
“Major plot holes,” wails another prisoner. “If Enchantress is so powerful, why didn’t she just take over the world centuries ago before there ever was a team of weaponized bad guys to take her out? How is it even possible that [former bookish psychiatrist] Harley Quinn turns into such an ass-kicking fighter — just because she took a bath in a chemical soup? That’s stupid.”
“Make it stop,” he says, his head then exploding.
An ISIS operative appears at the end of the video and warns that if attacks on ISIS-held territory in Syria, Iraq and North Africa are not ceased, the group will help to fund the “Suicide Squad” sequel, already said to be in the works.
Nevra Delos, chief film critic for the United Nations, says the ruthless year-long marketing campaign for “Suicide Squad” — which forced innocent moviegoers and DC Comics fans to believe that Jared Leto’s highly anticipated Joker would play a central part in the movie, and would be worth the cost of a movie ticket — and subsequent epic bungling of the project by Warner Bros. should be considered a crime against humanity.
“We believe that all humans possess an inborn dignity, and that they have a right to know if the movie they’ve been waiting to see for a whole year will at least partially meet their expectations,” she said. “The Joker barely shows up in ‘Suicide Squad,’ and when he does, he’s about as scary and intriguing as a jar of pickles.”