“[H]ey, just wanted to see if u were up n doing anything. wanna hang out?” wrote California in a text message sent at 2:23 a.m. last Friday.
New York, which for many years thought Colorado was a city in Nevada, has also been giving it much attention. Tuesday night, an impatient New York left a series of messages on Colorado’s voicemail, saying it had “an urgent favor to ask” and that it “just needed a little something, you know, to calm down.”
Illinois, which until last year only thought about Colorado between the months of November and March, has been sending Colorado chummy Facebook messages, asking if it remembered when both states were dismissed by the snobby East Coast as unsophisticated, western yokels.
“Dude, we were like buds then,” Illinois said. “Let’s do something this weekend. Want to watch the Wizard of Oz and listen to some Pink Floyd?”
In a slowly-delivered statement, Colorado said that it was not even aware of the other states’ sudden interest, and that since January 1 it has been sitting on its couch, chilling out and playing a lot of “GTA 5.”
The state also said it wouldn’t know if someone had been trying to contact it, anyway, because it had probably lost its cell phone but didn’t have the gumption to launch a search.