Using methods of advanced deduction, the NSA has determined analyst-turned-leaker Edward Snowden has snuck back into the United States.
“Somehow, Mr. Snowden was able to covertly re-enter the country and break into a government building in D.C.,” said an NSA source. “He then used a laptop-style device to connect to the internet, after which he launched a video chat application to participate in a live discussion.”
The NSA obtained a copy of the video using a regular web browser, taking careful note of the bizarre background that ultimately gave away Snowden’s precise whereabouts.
“It wasn’t as complicated as it sounds,” the source said. “During Mr. Snowden’s entire appearance, he was standing in front of a large replica of an old document, and while we still don’t know why the document is significant to him or his criminal enterprise, we determined that the replica is located in the National Archives building in Washington.”
Investigators are still searching for Snowden, who may have snuck out of the National Archives building to record a second video in front of another site, such as this giant obelisk monument thingy, or a huge statue of a bearded man sitting in a chair.