“With the recent losses of David Bowie and Prince, dark thoughts about how I could meet my end seven or eight decades from now do sneak into my mind,” she said.
Madonna admits that pondering her own far-off demise — particularly when she is at the spry age of 57 — may appear silly and premature, but that such thoughts are only natural.
“I know that a long life awaits me, with ample time to fit in a dozen or more world tours with hundreds or thousands of more concerts on my horizon, but sometimes I do fear that barely visible speck in the distant future when the Grim Reaper will come a calling,” she said. “At least when that day arrives, my billions of fans will guide their self-flying cars to the nearest electricity station, download my music from a borg-like shared consciousness, and perform an impassioned and teary vogue,” she said.
It’s not only the prospect of dying that scares her, Madonna says, but also the idea that one day, a long time from now, she’s going to start aging.
“Some nights I wake up in a cold sweat, hounded by these recurring nightmares in which I’m doing a show in Sydney sometime around the year 2068, and I try to do a double backflip onto the stage from a levitating platform many yards above, but I slip and sprain my ankle,” she said. “And my haters go on Twitter or whatever unimaginably futuristic social network we’ll be using by then to say that 112 is too old to be doing stunts like that.”
Madonna, whose last name was unavailable at the time of publication, then went on to complete 200 push-ups before downing a smoothie made from organic kale extract and fermented seahorse liver oil.