Lesser-known stipulations of Greek deal

While most Europeans are breathing a sigh of relief that an agreement has seemingly been reached to deal with Greece’s budget crisis — and ensure that the country adopt changes to avoid future shortfalls — Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras may have a hard time selling the deal to his fellow countrymen. Here are the stickier points of the Euro Summit Statement on Greece uncovered by the Dandy Goat. 

• Greeks living in areas popular with tourists will have go into the street and do that Zorba the Greek circle dance at least once a day — and twice during summer months.

• The country’s ruling left-wing party Syriza must officially change its name to “Nifítsa,” which is Greek for “weasel.”

• Athens civil servant Nikos Lazibuttis, who has managed to remain on the Ministry of Culture payroll for 17 years without ever having a job description, must finally be given something to do.

• Pompous Greeks have to stop reminding everyone that they invented civilization, not to mention logic and philosophy, and probably a few dozen other little things.

• The age of retirement for hairstylists and those in other dangerous professions must be raised to at least 40.

• The Greek government must find a way to halt production of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding Part II,” slated to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting public in under a year.

• Islands of Mykonos, Kos, and Paros need to be renamed Merkelos, Hollandos, Draghios.

• The island of Lesbos is to be turned into a sex-tourism resort populated exclusively by beautiful bisexual women.

• Feta cheese producers are to give up 10% of their annual production to supply cafeterias at major European institutions.