‘Impossible’ new CrossFit routine involves not talking about CrossFit for full hour

Most difficult CrossFit WOD is 'impossible' some sayA new CrossFit routine created by a gym owner in North Carolina is said to be beyond the reach of even the strongest practitioner, according a source from the murky world of fitness trends. The WOD (a “Workout of the Day” in CrossFitese), called McBraggart, involves not talking about CrossFit for an entire hour.

“To complete McBraggart, you have to participate in a social activity, like going out with friends or having lunch with coworkers, anything where there are a lot of people you know,” said certified CrossFit trainer Kyle Lunk. “For an entire hour, no matter the topic of conversation, you cannot talk about CrossFit, nor are you allowed to mention that you can’t take off your jacket because you did 100 kipping pull-ups the day before.”

To date, not a single CrossFit adherent has managed to finish McBraggart, leading some to wonder if it’s even possible. Christine Gloaterson, 2013 CrossFit champion in the northeast Oklahoma 134 to 136-pound women’s weight division, says that it’s unlikely anyone will ever complete McBraggart.

“Half of the reason for doing CrossFit is being able to talk about CrossFit to anyone who will listen,” she said. “You meet a smug ultra marathoner or some cocky Olympic triathlete, and it’s your right and privilege to destroy them using vague, pseudo-scientific jargon, like how CrossFit is the only total body workout that involves a broad spectrum of modal domains to maximize your phosphagen efficiency and oxidative potential, which pushes you to the limits of human endurance, but allows you just enough breath to tell everyone about it.”

The person who has come closest to finishing a single McBraggart is San Diego resident and CrossFit enthusiast Wes Kaneko, 28, who in December of last year lasted a full 42 minutes at a work Christmas party before giving up.

“I couldn’t hold out any longer,” he told CrossFitter magazine. “The new guy, Marco, was telling everyone that he’d just come back from a 60-mile bike ride. It was so utterly grueling listening to him that I ended up puking on the table, and then I passed out. When I came to, all I could do was whisper that I’d been doing CrossFit for five years.”

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