House welcomes new speaker


House gets new speaker WASHINGTON — After nearly seven years of using an increasingly outmoded stereo system in the chamber, the U.S. House of Representatives has finally got a new speaker.

“This is a fine unit, just as reliable as the old one,” said Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio. “The important thing is that it’s predictable. You feed it more power, and you know what it’s going to do. No one’ll get his eardrums blown out with this one.”

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., says that while the new speaker is not exactly cutting-edge, it is good enough for a passive listener.

“It’s neither too loud, nor too quiet,” she said. “It doesn’t catch those extreme frequencies, which I find very appealing.” 

Meanwhile, opinion columnists, bloggers, television pundits and others who have little knowledge of the peculiar acoustics of the House chamber have heaped praise on the new speaker.

“It’s so very new, so very fresh, it’s got that straight-out-of-the-box look to it,” said one Fox News host. “Oh, how I’d love to get close to the new speaker and touch it.”

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