Hillary urges women to visit her ‘virtual vagina’


Hillary Clinton urges women to visit her ‘virtual vagina’ Saying that she’s “first a woman, second a mother, third a daughter, and last an experienced former senator and secretary of state,” Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is urging voters to head to New York City to take a tour of her virtual vagina.

The two-story replica of Clinton’s vagina was built in a former art gallery in Manhattan, just minutes away from Trump Tower. Valeria Kovac, a 2012 Columbia University art graduate and Clinton volunteer, spent six months designing the vagina while a team of campaign staffers built the interior. Kovac says that the virtual vagina is an important reminder of what’s at stake in the 2016 presidential election.

“Hillary Clinton’s got a vagina,” she said. “Bernie Sanders hasn’t. Nor has Donald Trump or Ted Cruz. They’ve got penises. It’s not the same as a vagina.”

On Thursday, Clinton took a break from campaigning in primary states and flew to New York to give top donors and several prominent academics and activists a personal tour.

“I’ve had a vagina my whole life,” Clinton said, leading the group from the entrance into a dimly lit hall where champagne and snacks were being served. “Right, so, you’re still in my vagina, but in a moment we’re going to squeeze through my cervix, so you’ll need to watch your head. Feel free to crawl. The floor’s clean.”

After emerging into a small room whose walls were covered in pink foam insulation, Clinton announced that the group had arrived in her uterus. A visiting professor of feminist studies from Poland sneezed, prompting Clinton to remark on the cold weather and order an aide to switch on a heating lamp.

“As a woman, this room is very special to me, because it’s where my daughter Chelsea spent nine months of her life before I gave birth to her,” Clinton said. “Giving birth — the act that essentially defines womanhood. Now, if you if look up on either side of the womb, you can see the openings of my fallopian tubes, which only women have, incidentally. And beyond those, ovaries. Ah, the pearls of our female bodies. Am I right, ladies?”

Before concluding the tour, Clinton thanked everyone for their interest in her campaign while a staffer handed out buttons that read, “I’ve Been In Hillary Clinton’s Vagina.” When a group of older white men peeked their heads inside and asked permission to enter, a young, tattooed volunteer asked if they were Republican. When one hesitantly said yes, she told them that they could look, but they couldn’t come inside.

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