Hillary celebrates Iowa win with 20 minutes of icy stares at campaign staff


Hillary celebrates Iowa win with 20 minutes of icy stares at campaign staffDES MOINES, Iowa — Sources from the Hillary Clinton 2016 campaign have confirmed that the Democratic frontrunner celebrated her narrow state caucuses victory over Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) by assembling her campaign staff in a large room and wordlessly staring at them for 20 unbroken minutes.

“It’s was the uncanniest thing,” said assistant social media coordinator for the 18-25 demographic Greta Sacamain, 24. “[Clinton] opened her mouth like she was going to speak, but instead she stood at the front of the room looking at us. Did she blink? I don’t think so. Isn’t that bad for you eyes?”

Connor McLaughlin, a senior at the University of Iowa and president of the Campus Crusade for Clinton, says that the former secretary of state first unplugged the halogen lamps that were radiating soothing light, and instead turned on all the fluorescent ceiling lights.

“It was late and we were tired,” he said. “I guess she wanted to make a point about something.”

One 18-year-old volunteer from Florida took Clinton’s defense, saying that contrary to reports in the press, after 20 minutes the corners of the candidate’s mouth did turn up slightly, and Clinton did in fact emit a noise in the form of a sigh before motioning toward the door, prompting staff to file out into the cold night.

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