‘Hamilton diner’ just going to order for whole table

WACO, Texas — A self-described “Hamilton diner” has taken it upon himself to ignore the wishes of everyone at his restaurant table and order for them.

Chris Runsup, 34, who was tasked on Saturday with making a reservation at the Blue Mesa Grill for himself and 10 friends, explained to the waitress that he takes very seriously his duty as the group’s chosen representative.

“Ma’am, I recognize that most of us have voiced a desire for one of your signature blue margaritas, and others said they wanted an ice-cold beer,” Runsup said. “However, as a Hamilton diner, I must defy the wishes of the majority, for they know not what’s in their own best interest.”

“Water for everyone,” he added.

Amid grumbles of discontent from Runsup’s friends, the reluctant waitress returned with 11 glasses of ice water.

“I know that my decision won’t be popular, but it’s not my job to do what’s popular, but rather to do what’s right,” Runsup said. “For a starter, we’ll take six orders of your vegetarian flautas with creamy queso dip.”

“And give us each a plate of your Albuquerque chicken enchiladas, with black beans instead of pinto beans,” he continued. “I’ve had them before, and I know in my heart of hearts that everybody will enjoy them.”

“They’re spicy, but not too much,” he added.

Blue Mesa Grill owner Dawn Shepherd, 54, says that customers who make reservations generally don’t order for everyone in the dining party, but the right does belong to them.

“It’s written down, right there in our customer bill of rights,” she said. “But it’s mostly to protect children, as a safeguard against them ordering something they’ll think is yucky, or that might give them a tummyache.”