A friend from high school who’s vacationing in Thailand has notified her contacts that she was not injured in the Nepal earthquake, which occurred 2500 miles away from her beach hotel. “Hey guys, don’t worry because I’m ok, and in fact I’m having the time of my life,” Paige Blankenship wrote on her Facebook timeline hours after Saturday’s seismic event. Despite that the distance from the Thai island Phuket to the quake’s epicenter near Kathmandu is the about the same as from Los Angeles to New York, the 25-year-old thought it would be prudent to let everyone know that she had survived the natural disaster, and that she’s been doing nothing these past few weeks except partying, wearing a bikini, and having nightly sex with between three to five dreadlocked Australian surfers who are all named Kai.