‘Frankly, we don’t understand why all planes don’t crash,’ admit experts


‘Frankly, we don’t understand why all planes don’t crash,’ admit experts Aviation experts are opening up for the first time about airplane crashes, admitting that no one really knows how airplanes manage to stay aloft in the first place. They also admit being “totally stumped” as to why all aircraft don’t immediately plummet back to the ground after takeoff.

“Whenever there’s a large commercial airlines crash, reporters wake me up in the middle of the night to ask me to speculate on a cause,” said German aviation engineer Inge Flugelhorn. “Nine times out of ten, I tell them that it was problem with the rear stabilizer axis that decreases lift, because when the aircraft’s nose tilts at an angle greater than 45 degrees but those wing flap thingies are kept in the up position, that’s when pilots encounter problems and experience rapid vertical descent.”

“Bullscheisse, all of it,” she added. “Frankly, we don’t know why all planes don’t crash. Luck, I guess.”

Greg Helios, who teaches physics at Phoenix Online University in Athens, Georgia, agrees.

“Even in the craziest mathematical models, a 50-ton chunk of steel does not move horizontally to Earth’s surface, especially not for thousands of consecutive miles,” said Helios. “I can’t even get a frisbee to go 100 feet, let alone 100 miles, and those things are pretty light.”

“The best I can figure is that flight is made possible by invisible sky strings,” he added.

East Anglia Air pilot Paul Gieza, who at 98 is the oldest commercial pilot still legally flying in the United Kingdom, says that every time he takes off, he immediately orders the flight attendants to prepare for a crash landing.

“But it never happens,” he said. “For the life of me, I don’t understand why. Might have something to do with the wind.”

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