Rome – An Italian court convicted former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi today of being a national stereotype. “Your need for exuberance is only surpassed by your unceasing and ferocious sexual appetite,” the panel of judges said. “This conforms so damningly to stereotypes of Italian men that we are obliged to convict you and hand down a prison sentence of seven years.”
Defense attorney Nicolo Ghedini argued that the court had not appropriately considered the “pure, youthful beauty” of the hundreds of women Berlusconi has taken to bed. Ghedini was quickly reprimanded by one judge who said he was “even more of a caricature” than his client. Ghedini then wildly waved his arms in the air before sitting and coolly crossing his legs.
In accordance with Italian law, Berlusconi will not begin his sentence until all appeals have been exhausted.