Feral boys, James Franco and mistaken identity: how the system is failing us

Fret not; we can fix our system

By now, you are as angry as I am, and rightly so. As we begin to inspect the world the world around us, we see nothing but the system’s failures. However, there is hope. The whole reason FDR granted United Nations member states the freedom of speech in 1945 was so we could freely discuss the holes in the system.

Where to begin? Before anything — before bongo-drumming protesters, Dianne Feinstein’s nonsensical, heartfelt pleas, or rabid comic support from The Daily Show — we need to dialogue, and by that I mean we need to make a list of what the hell is wrong, exactly. Shall I begin? Why thank you:

Energy-wasting incandescent light bulbs have been banned, and rightly so, but why is there no ban on leaving your lights on when you’re not at home? That also wastes energy. On that note, should people really be allowed to have the lights on in two rooms at the same time? I would say not.

Why does the FDA not require that people obtain a prescription for vitamin supplements? I once bought some over-the-counter magnesium, on the advice that it would help my headache. It did that, but it also acted as a laxative, making a certain business lunch quite unpleasant.

Why does the crosswalk only tell us to walk, but not to run?

Some dim-witted people are allowed to get very rich, while some very smart people are kept from getting rich, like my dear friend Amelia who’s got two PhDs, reads more novels than anyone I know, and can tell you all about the ecosystem of the Brazilian rainforest. Why the disparity?

And so on. I implore you to make a list and share it with others, and from there we might actually get some steam going to demand that someone or another fix things.

Thank you for reading The Dandy Goat and I remain your humble servant,

Franklin J. Dubbles

-Letter no. 5

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