Failure to spend most of the day expressing sadness about the death of acting great Robin Williams is a clear sign you have serious emotional issues, experts say.
Scholars who specialize in grief and celebrity culture say the passing of Williams, 63, who starred in such memorable films as “Dead Poets Society,” “Mrs. Doubtfire” and that one movie in which Matt Damon plays a working-class genius who implausibly gets to bang Minnie Driver, is a profound loss, and anyone who doesn’t agree needs to have her head checked.
“Basically, if you didn’t break out sobbing today after arriving at work or school and hearing the terrible news, you have no fucking soul,” said Victor Wert, author of the 2010 book “Anyone Who Didn’t Fall Into A Year-Long Depression After Michael Jackson Died Should Be Lobotomized.”
The experts remind us a good way to start the day is by honoring Williams in a Facebook post, saying you’re at a loss for words, then admitting you just used a few words.
“Since everyone will be tweeting the hashtags #RIPRobinWilliams and #OCaptainMyCaptain for the rest of the week, you should go further, maybe write a few poems about your favorite Robin Williams roles, or compose and publicly perform a bittersweet song about his quirky comic wit, afterwards begging passersby to lash you exactly 63 times,” Wert says. “Anything less than that shows your childhood trauma rendered you incurably selfish and cold, a perpetual outsider to the family of humankind and our meaningful responses to celebrity deaths.”
“In the very least, you should quote ‘Dead Poets Society’ at least 20 times today, but preferably in your own voice,” Wert added. “And don’t go standing on any desks, because you might lose your balance and end up in intensive care.”
Williams, 63, was previously described as a great actor and brilliant stand-up comic, but his list of accomplishments has been revised to include good person, really great guy, nice as hell, and a really freaking nice and funny person.