Facebook has taken the brave step to provide users a tool to instantaneously know which of their friends are supportive of LGBT rights and the U.S. Supreme Court ruling to recognize same-sex marriage, and which of their friends are incurable homophobic bigots.
The tool, called “Celebrate Pride,” allows users to apply a rainbow-colored filter to profile photos, implicating that they are free of hatred and full of love.
“If you don’t make your profile pic all rainbowy, then you’re telling the world that you hate gays and lesbians, and that you’re the type of person to deny another the right to marry just because your ol’ Bible-thumping granny told you so,” said founder and chief executive Mark Zuckerberg. “We still have a lot of work to do for LGBT equality, but knowing which of your friends is a hate-driven Nazi who couldn’t give two shits about civil rights is a move in the right direction.”
“Anyone who doesn’t use the Celebrate Pride filter, or who doesn’t otherwise change their profile pic to a rainbow-themed image in the next 48 hours, should be defriended,” he said. “Better yet, they should be run off my social networking site altogether. Facebook has no tolerance for people who don’t love rainbows.”
“Troll them all,” he added. “Let their God sort them out.”
Ted Kellerman, a 66-year-old retired farmer from Nebraska who mostly uses Facebook to keep in touch with his two daughters who live in another part of the state, says he’s already facing the wrath of his younger relatives who are defriending him in droves.
“I didn’t even have a profile picture to begin with,” he weakly posted to to his dwindling group of Facebook friends. “I don’t even know how to use a digital camera.”