Embarrassing! Obama accidentally launches into ‘racism lecture’ instead of ‘sympathy speech’

DALLAS — In what’s being called “the biggest gaffe since he referred to German chancellor Angela Merkel as ‘Mr. Merkel, sir,’” President Obama began to read the wrong speech in Dallas on Tuesday at a memorial for five officers who were killed in last week’s attack.

“My fellow Americans, it’s with great frustration that I, once again, must ask all of you to stand in front of a mirror and take a long, hard look at your racism, embedded in your very DNA like so many lines of computer code that, oh, wait, hang on,” he said, shuffling notes.

“Just a moment,” he continued. “I know it’s here somewhere. Yes, there it is. My fellow Americans, the vicious, cold-blooded shooting of peace officers that occurred last week is an assault on the very fabric of the rule of law.”

White House spokesperson Josh Earnest says that Obama’s confusion was understandable, considering the number of times the president has been roused to deliver his stump racism speech.

“[President Obama] was in Texas, after all, where racism was practically invented,” Earnest said. “It was a simple mistake that anyone could have made.”