WASHINGTON — In response to allegations she lied about being Native American in order to get preferential treatment in academia, Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) has revealed her original given name is the Cherokee word for “waterfall.”
“When I was born, my Cherokee parents called me Waterfall, believing the name reflected my Cherokee grace and my Cherokee vigor,” Warren said. “Also, it was the name of my Cherokee grandmother, as well as half the women in my Cherokee family.”
“I went by Waterfall until I was 18, at which point I changed my name to Elizabeth, partially because of teasing from white classmates, but also because I secretly hoped people would start calling me Lizzy, which seemed like a name for a popular girl, but one who doesn’t give it up too easily.”
“To the people of Massachusetts, I ask you to accept the real me,” Warren said. “Henceforth, I shall be known as ‘Senator Immookalee.’”
Warren’s press secretary announced the senator was contemplating other ways to prove her Native American ancestry, ranging from wearing tank tops around Capitol Hill to expose her Indian warrior shoulder tattoo, to investing in a new bumper sticker that defends Mother Earth.