NEW YORK — In what appears to be a scene right out of “Twelve Monkeys,” a mentally disturbed woman ran around Grand Central Station, trying to jam her tongue into strangers’ mouths to infect them with strep throat.
On a video uploaded to YouTube, the woman appears disoriented and can be heard making frightening choo-choo train noises. After mumbling something about kisses, she suddenly starts attacking passersby in order to give them her streptococcal infection.
The camera operator, believed to be a fellow patient of a nearby psychiatric hospital, has difficulty holding the camera still, presumably due to quiet but uncontrollable laughter.
Authorities are asking anyone who touched the woman’s tongue with their own to wash their mouths out with a strong antiseptic mouthwash such as Listerine, and to keep their fingers crossed.
“Fortunately, most of the potential victims in the video shoved the attacker away the moment she gave them googly eyes and stuck out her tongue like some demented poodle, but one poor fellow actually granted her access to his mouth for several minutes, during which literally millions of her nasty germs colonized his trachea,” said Sgt. Anthony Marconi of the NYPD. “We can only assume that he’s now sitting at home with a 104-degree fever, his tonsils swollen to the size of grapefruits, cursing the fact he decided to skip work that day to look at trains.”