“We’ve included some pre-knotted rope, because you know how shoddy the construction is in those holding cells,” explained Bill. “It’s good rope, strong enough in case she wants to attach her bed or anything else to the ceiling.”
“And we’ve also thrown in some very sharp razor blades,” said Hillary. “In case jail staff deny her the right of a lady, which is to shave her legs and under her arms, and sometimes her wrists, should she find hair growing there.”
“And some cyanide, because let’s face it, some of these jail cells are infested with rats and other vermin,” Bill said. “Cyanide is a very fast and painless way to take them out.”
“Fast and painless,” he repeated.
Maxwell’s lawyer says her client is overwhelmed by the kindness her former friends are showing her. In addition to the Clintons’ package, she’s also received a gift box from Prince Andrew, which contained a self-tying plastic sack to place around her head to protect her from the coronavirus, as well as several heavy stones with the instructions: “be creative.”