Remember when you first heard that awesome song “Somebody I Used to Know,” and you told your friends about this great new musician GOT-yuh? And do you remember how they laughed mercilessly, telling you Gotye is pronounced like Gaultier, as in Jean-Paul Gaultier, you idiot, and you were so embarrassed that you didn’t leave your apartment for a week, so you got fired, and now you’ve been living on the streets for the last three years? Don’t let that happen again. Follow these simple rules:
Beyoncé Knowles
In her autobiography, the singer’s mother Tina speaks about fighting for years to get the media to correctly pronounce her daughter’s first name. Few people know it, but the “c” in Beyoncé is hard, so the right way to say it is bee-yon-KEY.
Jon Stewart
As strange as it may seem to people unfamiliar with Scottish gaelic, the correct pronunciation of the nothing-but-the-painful-truth Stewart’s last name is LEE-bo-witz.
Ben Affleck
Poor Ben. When he started acting, people got confused because they assumed Ben Affleck was a first and last name. Not so. He real full name is Benaffleck Boldt, but in a 2007 interview with Barbara Walters, he said people can pronounce his name however they like. You’re a good fellow, Benaffleck.
Khloé Kardashian
This reality star’s first name, which means “tubby” in Armenian, is so often mispronounced that Kardashian’s publicist advised the actress to just give up trying to correct anyone. All the better for us, because Khloé is very difficult to say correctly. The “Kh” in Khloé is a hard “g,” and the “o” is a short vowel sound followed by an accented “e.” Impress your friends by saying it right: gah-lah-EH.
Angelina Jolie
So you you took French in high school, and now you smugly tell people that Mrs. Brad Pitt’s last name means “pretty” and is pronounced JOH-lee? Nice try. Jolie is the actress’s middle name, and as she’s from Southern California, it’s actually Spanish. The proper way to say it is yo-LEE-ay.
Jessica Biel
One close look at this star’s name and you can understand why the hottie from “Total Recall” conveniently forgets to inform people her last name sounds identical to the word “bile.”
Shia LaBeouf
We know you’ve stumbled over this one. Contrary to how moronic TV reporters or even the actor himself say it, linguists remind us Hebrew first names must be said with hunched shoulders and a downward, sad gaze, and French last names need to be said with the chin raised, the lips pursed. No wonder the “Transformers” star is mental.
Channing Tatum
So you first heard this name when your spouse shouted it during sex with you? Not to worry, because if it’s not pronounced correctly, there’s no reason for you to take offense. This “21 Jump Street” star’s first name comes from Old English, which has different rules from today’s English. Think of Beowulf, then add some. The correct pronunciation is kan-NI-gnah, and his last name is just like you already say it: ta-TOOM.