The Agency for the Promotion of Technology for Slow Persons, which oversees the use of computers and electronic devices by the kingdom’s estimated 15 million women, girls, and other imbeciles, announced on Wednesday that it has received approval for 16 new female-friendly emojis for use in social media and text messaging services.
“Women may now convey a wide range of emotions when they electronically communicate with their husbands, male family members, or other women,” said agency spokesman Khalid bin Faisbouk al Watsap. “From submissiveness to contentment, devotion to obedience, these 16 veiled faces express them all.”
A special task force of religious scholars spent nearly four years researching the permissibility of emoji for women. A Jeddah-based design firm was then chosen to create the 16 images, and, after a short, 18-month wait to get approval from the country’s highest religious council, the king’s closest vizier signed off on the order allowing the emoji to be put into use.
“All my wives are delighted,” said Riyadh car dealership owner Abdul H. “They always used to say, how can we easily tell one another how modest we are feeling right now? How can we let our husband know that we remain chaste in his absence, without the hassle of composing a whole text message?”
“Now, it’s easy for them, at least on those days when I grant them access to their one shared cell phone,” he said.
Dandy Goat technology correspondent Richard Omega was dispatched to Saudi Arabia last week to ask women on the street for their reactions to the new emoji, but he has not been heard from since then.