Leisure & Style

Articles about fashion, art, entertainment, travel, and other topics that are pleasant to ponder

In memoriam: The Dandy Goat

The world of free online content is mourning the loss of a rising star. The Dandy Goat, which has published more than 800 articles since its launch in June of 2013 and was praised by readers as “lol” and “lmao,” has died following the institutionalization of its founder and publisher, Franklin J. Dubbles. Richard Omega, […]

Leprosy: the decisive edge for admission to elite colleges

To:      Exceptional High School Juniors From: Elite College Admissions (ECA) in Cambridge, MA. Subj:   The Fat Envelope Advantage Congratulations! You are receiving this e-mail message because you’ve scored 1550 or higher on the new SATs and maintained at least a 4.04 GPA. Are you still looking for that decisive edge that sets you apart […]

Communist asshole dead at 90

Cheering crowds continued to throng the streets of downtown San Francisco into the early hours of Monday morning as they celebrated the death of outspoken communist loudmouth and renowned asshole Colin Kaepernick. Thousands of people of all ages waving American flags and popping champagne corks gave the thumbs-up sign to passing motorists who cheerfully honked […]

Expert: Putin’s fake ‘Dear Abby’ advice swayed US elections

A language expert working for the Nathaniel Dubbles Institute has confirmed to the Dandy Goat that Russian president Vladimir Putin is responsible for a spate of so-called “fake advice pieces” ostensibly written by syndicated columnist Jeanne Phillips. Cecilia Pawlak, a 66-year-old retired kindergarten teacher from New Jersey, was the first to notify authorities that the […]

Losing team demanding World Series trophy because they ‘had more total hits’

A manager for the American League baseball team that lost in the World Series earlier this month is demanding a recount to determine the real winner. “Sure, technically, the Chicago Cubs won four games out of seven, but we actually had the same number of runs during those seven games, 27 each — too close […]

Safety pin turns white hipster into Martin Luther King Jr.

NEW YORK — An online content manager who bravely decided to wear a safety pin has turned into Martin Luther King Jr., according to hundreds of witnesses. Seth Keating’s amazing transformation occurred on Thursday afternoon, moments after the 27-year-old read on Upworthy that displaying the small metal item on your clothes makes you a champion for […]

‘I’m dying,’ says Clinton in last-ditch appeal

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is making a last-ditch effort to win the presidency by asking that it be granted to her as a dying wish.   “Many of you have already guessed that I’m not in the best of health,” she said in the two-minute video released moments before the polls closed on Tuesday. […]

Tom Hanks starring as Harambe in upcoming biopic

  Animal rights advocates and Tom Hanks fans are eagerly awaiting an upcoming biopic about Harambe, the gorilla that was shot by Cincinnati zoo officials earlier this year after a three-year-old boy entered his enclosure. Directed by Hollywood veteran Ron Howard, “Harambe” stars Tom Hanks as the beloved silverback whose death sparked global outcry and […]

French police seek public’s help in finding Kim Kardashian’s stolen ‘boob harness’

PARIS — A spokesperson for the French police unit that investigates crimes against famous people is asking residents of the capital to keep their eyes open for a black bra that was stolen from superstar Kim Kardashian. On Sunday, Kardashian, 35, survived a horrifying ordeal during which when five men dressed as police officers burst into […]

Triumph for gender equality: Saudi Arabia approves 16 emoji for women

  Women in the conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia are well on their way to enjoying the same rights as their male counterparts when it comes to hot new tech trends.   The Agency for the Promotion of Technology for Slow Persons, which oversees the use of computers and electronic devices by the kingdom’s estimated […]

Pope makes urgent appeal for peace in Brangelinastan

  VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis is asking the world’s one billion Catholics to pray for peace in the nation of Brangelinastan, which erupted into civil war earlier this week and has since dominated world headlines. “As Brangelinastan has been engulfed in the destructive fires of unrest, so too have the flames spread to every […]

The 7 stages of grief when a celebrity dies

  It’s never easy to cope with the intense and oftentimes conflicted feelings that hit you like a ton of Botox when a celebrity passes away. Psychologists from the Nathaniel Dubbles Institute have identified seven distinct stages of grief that most individuals experience when someone famous dies. Confusion: When you first learn of the shocking […]

Hipster to ‘ironically’ vote for Trump

A 31-year-old hipster from Chicago has confirmed that he is going to vote for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump, but that he’s only going to do so “ironically.” “At first I was, like, going for Bernie [Sanders], but then all my friends started turning into Sandernistas, so I was like, okay that’s boring now,” said […]

Man confirms that Gene Wilder has always been his favorite actor

DENVER — A local man has confirmed to anyone who will listen that Gene Wilder, who passed away on Monday, has always been his favorite actor. “Truth be told, I’ve only seen him in the chocolate factory movie, and didn’t he play in that television series ‘Bonanza’?” said Colorado law student Brad Palmer, 29, of […]

French police order woman to take off burkini, but slowly

  Several officers from a French beach police unit have ordered a woman who was caught wearing a burkini — a type of full-body bathing suit, increasingly banned in many places — to remove it, but a little more slowly. “Madame, you are in violation of ze edict number 3945, which forbids neck-to-ankle beach attire […]

North Korea celebrates as country wins all Olympic medals

  PYONGYANG — Thrilled citizens of North Korea have taken to the streets in celebration of the country’s latest feat: yet again winning every medal at the Olympic Games. A total of 974 gold, silver and bronze medals were awarded to North Korean competitors at this summer’s games in Rio de Janeiro, beating the previous […]

Nick Denton reduced to hawking unauthorized sex videos on street corner

NEW YORK — Admitting that he has been left with no other means to earn a living, Gawker founder Nick Denton has resorted to selling unauthorized sex videos and DVDs on a Manhattan street corner. Denton, 49, says that while he is sad at losing his Gawker Media empire after having been successfully sued for […]

Delta to bring back inflight flamenco

  ATLANTA — In an era of cost-cutting measures and cheap, electronic forms of inflight entertainment, at least one airlines is bringing back a classic live show.    Delta Airlines CEO Mark Flyerton has announced that starting in early 2017, the company will reintroduce its celebrated flamenco performances on all flights. Between takeoff and landing, […]

Outcry as ISIS forces prisoners to watch ‘Suicide Squad’

  Human rights groups are speaking out against the latest form of punishment carried out by the terror organization known as ISIS: forcing prisoners to watch the 2016 movie “Suicide Squad” — to death. On Monday, ISIS released a video of captives tied to seats in a room where the recently released blockbuster, which features a […]

Dandy Goat staff return after extended vacation in France

  Two key members of the Dandy Goat team have returned to work after several weeks of leisure time in France, enjoying privileges afforded to them thanks to their race and gender. Publisher Franklin J. Dubbles spent three weeks on a tour of Brittany in the western part of the country, eating delicious food and […]