Being scrawny, looking ill proof of ‘racial superiority’


Dylann Roof, scrawny weirdo with a bad haircut, but a perfect Aryan specimen nonetheless

Dylann Roof, 21, seen here moments before neighbors called police to report a “creepy, young-looking Lurch character who appears to have malaria” about to shoot some potted flowers.

Prominent voices from the white supremacist science community are hailing Dylann Roof, 21, as proof of Aryan genetic superiority, evidenced by his muscular physique, good heath and attractive personality.

“Yeah, he might got [sic] a scrawny frame like an underfed weakling who’s been struck down by polio and done spent the last five years on the computer jerking off to KKK porn while his leg muscles atrophy, but look at them functional wrists,” said Doug Mutant, head of Aryan University’s Skool of Genitics. “And he’s got 10 fingers, real thin and pretty.”

“White power,” he added.

Melissa Blanche, the university’s David Duke Professor of Sycologee, says that like all perfect white specimens, Roof is clearly in excellent health.

“Some folks are saying that Mr. Roof looks sickly, all jaundiced and feverish, but he’s just got a case of pride due to being a member of the master race,” Blanche said. “I admit that he’s got them [sic] scary bags under his eyes, and yeah his skin is all thin and translucent making you think he’s got a few days left to live, and his hair looks like it was woven from shit-laden hay in a horse’s stable, and I’ll bet his breath stinks like hell, but apart from that he’s in peak physical form.”

“White power,” she added.

Other members of the white supremacist science community are praising Roof as a natural-born leader able to inspire trust and devotion, even if sensible people totally avoided him and give him nicknames such as the Runt Racist and Mr. Kreepy Klan, and described him as what Shaggy from “Scooby Doo” would look like after 10 solid months of doing meth.

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