Sierra Club promoting human litter boxes

The Sierra Club is launching an ambitious plan to replace the western world’s sanitation system with human litter boxes. At a press conference in Seattle to unveil the project, Sierra Club president David Snott told reporters that “conventional flush toilets waste billions of gallons of water every day when billions of people in underdeveloped countries […]

Fashion world plans tribute to Aussie model slain in Iraq

Fashion giant Benetton is planning a special Middle-Eastern themed gala fashion show in Milan next month to pay tribute to an Australian male model killed fighting for ISIS in Syria. The dead terrorist, Sharky Jama, was originally from Somalia, but had recently become a sought-after model on the renowned and trend-setting fashion circuit in Melbourne, […]

Gwyneth Paltrow to become hooker for a week

Following her globally lauded gesture of empathy with poor people in attempting to live on food stamps for a week, planetary superstar Gwyneth Paltrow has announced that she will highlight the plight of women forced into sex work by turning tricks in a seedy downtown area of Chicago. A spokeswoman for Paltrow said that the actress […]

Erin Burnett to butt up against Sunday shows

CNN has announced plans to schedule a new vehicle for one of the channel’s most successful anchors, Erin Burnett. Her current show, “Erin Burnett OutFront,” regularly draws hundreds of viewers in primetime, and network executives want to leverage this success into developing a Sunday morning show to go head-to-head with “Fox News Sunday,” “Meet the […]

US allowed to give up entire nuclear arsenal in landmark deal

After weeks of tense negotiations in Geneva with Iran and five other world powers, U.S. negotiators have hailed a deal reached late today under which the U.S. will be required to scrap its entire nuclear arsenal. The exact details have yet to be made clear, but it seems that they fall far short of the […]

NYT photoshops Obama into historic events

Conservative groups and media observers are alleging that the New York Times has tampered with photographs depicting a number of noteworthy events over the past six years to give a false impression of the impact President Obama has had during his presidency. The allegations come hot on the heels of claims that the New York […]

Holder rushed to hospital after choking on own words

Attorney General Eric Holder was rushed to a Washington-area hospital yesterday after collapsing moments after his announcement that a Department of Justice investigation had exonerated former police officer Darren Wilson of any wrongdoing in the August 2014 shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. Surgeons at the MedStar Washington Hospital Center later operated to remove […]

Saudi king says Crusades unrelated to Christianity

The newly enthroned ruler of Saudi Arabia surprised the world last night with a speech in which he reached out to the world and in particular to Christians. “Christianity is a noble religion of peace,” King Salman bin Abdulaziz al-Saud told an audience of Islamic scholars at a conference in Riyadh. “And any attempt to […]

US to team up with Godzilla to battle Islamic State

Secretary of State John Kerry flew to Tokyo Wednesday night for talks with Japanese defense officials aimed at enlisting the help of monster anti-hero Godzilla as the Obama administration seeks to form a diverse coalition against the Islamic State terror army. A giant lizard infamous for destructive rampages through downtown Tokyo may seem an unlikely […]

British farmers using illegal immigrants as human scarecrows

Amnesty International has appealed to the U.K. government to investigate what it claims is the widespread abuse of illegal immigrants by farmers in South East England. Speaking to reporters at a press conference in London to publicize the results of a year-long investigation, the head of migrants rights division Clarice Ayhol claimed that British farmers […]

Al-Qaeda detainee ‘forced to grow mullet in captivity’

Human rights groups have called for an investigation into the treatment of an al-Qaeda terrorist in U.S. custody, claiming that he was forced to grow his hair in a so-called ‘mullet’ style in contravention of his religious beliefs. Ali Saleh al-Marri, who was released from federal prison earlier this month, had been in U.S. custody […]

Bowe Bergdahl’s father’s beard to be displayed at Smithsonian

The beard that Robert Bergdahl grew while his son, army deserter Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl, was in Taliban captivity is to go on permanent display at the Smithsonian Institute, it was announced Tuesday. The beard became a household name back in the summer of last year when Sergeant Bergdahl was released in exchange for five high-value […]

Sharpton, de Blasio slam ‘white privilege’ of snow

NEW YORK — New York Mayor Bill de Blasio appeared at a joint press conference with Al Sharpton late Monday night to reassure New York City residents that the full resources of the city will be mobilized to ensure that what they called the “blanket of white privilege” due to envelope the city Tuesday does not […]

James Taylor threatened with death by AQAP

The White House has refused to comment on reports that al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula have captured folk singer James Taylor and are threatening to execute him if the Obama administration doesn’t stop deploying musicians as instruments of foreign policy. Taylor is believed to have been seized after being dispatched to Yemen by Secretary of […]

Chris Cornell arrested in terror probe

Chris Cornell was arrested by FBI agents in Ohio on Wednesday after authorities learned that he was plotting a shooting and bombing attack on the U.S. Capitol. Cornell, 20, considered members of Congress as “enemies,” and planned to travel to Washington to kill employees and officers working in and around the U.S. Capitol, according to […]

Jihadists feared to have Wookie laser weapons

Security sources are warning that Islamic terrorists may have gained access to high-tech laser weapons previously thought to exist only in a galaxy far, far away. UK intelligence experts have been examining images posted online of fugitive French terror suspect Hayat Boumeddiene wielding what appears to be a bowcaster: a crossbow-like gun that fires a […]

Holder flies to Paris to investigate French cops

Attorney General Eric Holder will fly to Paris tomorrow for what had been billed as high-level talks on security issues with French Justice Minister Christiane Taubira. However it now appears that the actual motive for the trip is to investigate whether French police used profiling or excessive force in their handling of last week’s terrorist […]

Airlines, hotels clamp down on fake service animals

After a recent rash of controversies in which some restaurants and airlines were criticized for refusing to accommodate service dogs, the airlines and other service industries are fighting back. While regretting the negative publicity garnered by incidents such as the recent refusal by American Airlines to allow a service dog to board a flight with […]

Hamas tunnel blunder leads to Mexican mayhem, violent death

Nearly four months after the end of the summer war between Israel and Hamas terrorists, an ambitious Hamas tunneling project to infiltrate northern Israel ended in bloodshed early Thursday after the tunnelers, who had become hopelessly disorientated and continued digging for over 7,000 miles in the wrong direction, inadvertently broke into a tunnel in northern […]

4-year-old’s UPS dream ends in complaints, firing

Just days after UPS made a four-year-old boy’s wish of becoming a delivery driver come true by giving him his very own mini UPS truck, complaints from neighbors have brought the young lad’s Christmas dream to an end. In a heartwarming ad released Dec. 1, Carson Kight is shown getting the truck. Kight, who already had his […]