In what’s being called another incredible feat of engineering, Ahmed Mohamed, the Texas youth who was suspended from school after racist administrators accused the 14-year-old of bringing to class a homemade clock designed to resemble a bomb, has now constructed a “fully automatic” pencil sharpener from scratch, according to his publicist.
In an interview with the BBC that will air later this week, the angel-faced youth describes how his new invention works and explained why it will eliminate poverty in developing nations.
“You see, you put a pencil in the end of the barrel-like tube, then depress the trigger — uh, unlocking mechanism — and it’s so fast that you can sharpen 600 pencils in a single minute,” he said. “I call it an AK-14, as in ‘Ahmed the Kid’ and ‘14’ because that’s my age and all kids my age are innocent as fuck, and anyone who says otherwise is an ignorant redneck.”
“The key to economic development is education, and the key to education is providing enough sharpened pencils to the world’s pupils,” he said.
The pencil sharpener weighs less than 10 pounds and, at only 34 inches long, is small enough to be stored in most classroom cupboards. As it’s made from everyday material like steel and wood, it’s inexpensive to construct.
U.S. critics of the pencil sharpener have meekly suggested that Ahmed’s device vaguely resembles a weapon, but Mohamed’s many advocates dismiss these claims as the paranoid delusions of a nation founded on racism, nativism, Islamophobia, technophobia, and dozens of other -isms and phobias too horrifying to print.
“This boy’s an Allah-damned genius, that’s for sure, and this latest invention will revolutionize the way poor children use graphite-based writing tools,” said Willy Slick, the publicist representing Mohamed and his parents.
Mohamed’s father, Mohamed Elhassan, says that after his son completes his newly launched 2015-2016 world tour, during which he’ll meet with every head of state and be offered the chance to lose his virginity to British actress Emma Watson, the boy plans on a designing a giant plug — nicknamed “Little Boy” to emphasize its creator’s innocence — to to stop the world’s oceans from leaking.