That’s the question President Obama is asking the nation’s schoolchildren to answer in an unprecedented drawing contest to find the next justice. The first-place prize will be the seat formerly occupied by Antonin Scalia, who passed away over the weekend at the age of 79.
“The competition is open to any K-6 student who is a U.S. citizen, has not been convicted of a felony, and who can be expected to reasonably carry out the duties of a justice in our nation’s awesomest court,” White House press secretary Josh Earnest said. “Artistic skill and an inkling of jurisprudence are advantageous, but what the president is really looking for is creativity.”
Aiden Maloney, a kindergartner from Provo, Utah, says that he’s going to win because he’s the best drawer in his class.
“I did a picture of a really fast car, and these bad guys are trying to stop it with fire, but the car has ice power, so they can’t,” he said.
“He’ll respect the balance of powers between the branches of government,” his mother explained.
Orlando fourth-grader Shylia Evans drew a picture of Elsa from the movie “Frozen.” She says that the current justices all dress like her late grandmother Florence.
“I’m going to wear a bright blue dress if I get picked, and I’m going to check to see who’s telling the truth before I punish anybody,” she said.
An angry Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) says that he will refuse to move forward for approval any nominee selected by a simple drawing contest, and that the president should not deviate from custom.
“What’s wrong with shoving all the federal judges and other qualified parties into a barn and having ‘em do a proper hoedown, like we always done?” he said. “The president plays the fiddle, taps his feet, and sings, ‘Come y’all, dance like your grandpappy done taught you.’ The one who scoots and shimmies the best gets the seat.”
The drawing contest deadline is March 15 and the winner will be announced after the current Supreme Court session ends in late June. Drawings need to be accompanied by an official entry form signed by the entrant’s parents or legal guardians. Due to a shortage of space in the Supreme Court Building, the new justice will get his or her own Court-themed bedroom but will have to share a bathroom with Justice Clarence Thomas.