US allowed to give up entire nuclear arsenal in landmark deal

US allowed to give up nuclear arsenal in landmark nuclear deal (parody)After weeks of tense negotiations in Geneva with Iran and five other world powers, U.S. negotiators have hailed a deal reached late today under which the U.S. will be required to scrap its entire nuclear arsenal.

The exact details have yet to be made clear, but it seems that they fall far short of the original demands made by the U.S. that Iran end its uranium enrichment program. In fact, the Iranians will be allowed to not only continue enriching uranium to weapons grade, they will also be given access to advanced U.S. missile technology in order to accelerate their path towards acquiring an arsenal of deliverable nuclear warheads.

Meanwhile, American nuclear-capable aircraft and submarines will be sent to Mexico to be decommissioned, while the ballistic missile arsenal will be disarmed and the rockets sent to China and Russia for conversion to peaceful use in those countries’ space programs.

Secretary of State John Kerry hailed the deal as the best that could have been achieved under difficult circumstances. He insisted that the U.S. would be permitted to maintain a small stockpile of enriched uranium for its atomic energy programs, as well as a limited number of centrifuges to enrich plutonium for medical purposes.

However, the Iranian government has said it reserves the right to conduct snap inspections of U.S. facilities at any time. These inspections would be carried out by sleeper cells of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard’s Quds Force who are already positioned in the U.S. to carry out terrorist attacks.

Mohammed Nassau, the chief Iranian negotiator, was seen being helped away from the negotiations by aides, weeping uncontrollably and bent over with laughter.