The terrorists will not destroy our French way of life. Now would you kindly give me a blow job?

 

Voices from France: The terrorists cannot take away our right to blow jobs As a French citizen and a firm believer in the values of the French Republic, my faith in secular democracy has been shaken at its very core by the savage attacks in Paris last week. There is no greater assault on a nation whose foundations are built on the concept of liberty than to attack it when it’s fully expressing that very liberty, engaged in pursuit of the simplest, everyday pleasures.

The terrorists want us to be afraid, to cower, to stay indoors, to stop doing the things we do — or that are done to us — that we so cherish. But for French people, pleasure is not a part of life; it is life. Eating good food with loved ones, enjoying lively conversations with friends in cafes, or attempting to get fellated by a tourist you’ve only just met while strolling along a beautiful Parisian avenue — these are what it means to be French. Take them away, and you tear apart the very fabric of Frenchness.

But to ISIS, Daesh, or whichever name the barbarians at the gates call themselves, I say this: we will not give up our way of life, at least not easily. We will fight tooth and nail to be able to continue enjoying our quotidian pleasures, whether that is a flaky warm croissant from the neighborhood boulangerie, a leisurely two-hour lunch during a workday, or enthusiastic oral stimulation from a beautiful stranger. 

History proves that we French can overcome the greatest of inconveniences. We survived two horrific world wars, the loss of Algeria, and the gradual transformation of Brigitte Bardot from a full-lipped Aphrodite into, well, someone else. And all this time, French men were getting sucked off, every day, in such a casual but sensual manner as to make us the envy of men in every other country on Earth. No, I have no fear of the terrorists.

You are shaking your head. You are afraid that your friends will see you leaving with me to my apartment, that they will judge you. But there is no need for your pretense of Anglo-Saxon puritanism. No one cares. You are in Paris, a city that was wounded, yes, but not vanquished, for we remain strong. Even in this darkest hour, you and I will stand up to defend this nation and that for which it stands. Vive la Republique and vive la France.

Now will you kindly give me a blow job?

Maxime Lejeune is a law student from Paris