Supreme Court forgets to rule in favor of same-sex divorce

 

Supreme Court forgets to legalize same-sex divorce WASHINGTON — In what’s being called a historic oversight, the U.S. Supreme Court has admitted that while it has ruled in favor of same-sex marriage, it has forgotten to rule in favor of same-sex divorce.

“I don’t know what happened,” said Chief Justice John Roberts. “We got all wrapped up in the excitement of this whole landmark ruling thing, what with the throng of demonstrators and the six thousand or so journalists camped outside.”

“You’ve got to understand how crazy things can get when we issue rulings like these,” Roberts said. “There was Justice Ginsburg singing, uncorking bottles of champagne, and Justice Kennedy was as giddy as a schoolgirl while writing the majority opinion. And Justice Scalia, well you know how he gets. He was going around kicking wastebaskets. Very distracting.”

“In the future, we’ll try to have our clerks warn us about such things,” he added. “Our sincerest apologies.”

Justice Clarence Thomas, characteristically taciturn, said, “Oops.”

Legal experts say that the omission could mean that gay and lesbian couples who get married could be stuck in contractual agreements that will be difficult to break. It could take another 10 years before a case about the right for same-sex couples to get divorced reaches the Supreme Court.

“You’d better really, really love your partner, and you might want to think about living together for a few years before getting hitched,” said Christine Healy, an attorney for the Marriage Equality Project.

Saying that while they fundamentally disagree with the 5-4 decision that will force 13 states to overturn their bans on same-sex marriage, several governors are expressing approval of the Supreme Court’s mistake.

“You can’t have your gay wedding cake and eat it, too,” said Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. “Me and Tonette, well, we courted for six years before I even tried to kiss her, and it was another ten years before I popped the question.”

“And 22 years later, we’re still happily married,” he said. “I say we just get rid of divorce altogether.”

Texas Governor Greg Abbott says that the Supreme Court’s blunder was an act of providence.

“You can’t just be given the right to enter into a sacred union one day, and the very next day get to end that union for which you’ve fought so dang hard,” Abbott said. “It took us heterosexual folks a thousand years to earn that right.”