Senate committee to vote on bill to ban “child-maiming, kitten-killing” bangs of guns

gun showWASHINGTON – Top lawmakers are meeting today to vote on whether to push forward a bill that would ban noises from guns.

“We’re not attempting to ban guns,” said Sen.  Kristen Gillibrand, D-N.Y. “What we want to do is simply ban the noises associated with guns. You know, the bangs and whizzes and all that.”

The bill, which would make producing an audible report from a gun a federal offense, has been called by some as an attack on the Second Amendment.

“You can’t fire a gun and not make noise,” said Mark Hansen, spokesman for the guns-rights group Save Our Arms. “It’s physics. And since silencers aren’t one-hundred percent effective, this bill will essentially take away our Second Amendment Rights in one fell swoop.”

Proponents of the bill point to its wording, which states that “the right to own and discharge firearms” won’t be modified. The bill would merely impose a ban on making “soul-sullying” noises with weapons.

The bill has also set off alarms in the ammunition industry. “This is madness,” said Loretta Muntz, CEO of On Target, the nation’s fourth largest ammunition manufacturer. “What’s the point of having guns if you can’t shoot them?”