Secret Service reproached for intoxicated Air Force One joyriding

secret service drunk drugs prostitute funny parody spoof of air force oneAMSTERDAM — Agents from the United States Secret Service are facing disciplinary action for their roles in what is being called DrugsBoozeWhoresAirForceOneGate.

While in Amsterdam this week, at least three agents are accused of getting very intoxicated and taking Russian sex workers on a dangerous joyride in Air Force One.

Hotel security footage shows the agents taking a variety of drugs, including ecstasy, Tylenol PM, cocaine, psychedelic mushrooms, laughing gas, krokodil, and caffeine tablets, among others. Afterwards, they hired a dozen prostitutes from an escort service called Russian Angels to play strip poker with them while they took shots and smoked marijuana from a meter-long bong shaped like an uncircumcised Dutch penis.

In between bouts of vomiting and giving each other high fives, the agents paid for the prostitutes by withdrawing money from a cash machine using President Obama’s credit card.

Afterwards, the three agents and their guests took taxis to the secure airstrip outside of the city where Air Force was was parked. Flashing their badges and saying “fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah,” they managed to board Air Force One and fly the Boeing VC-25 for several hours before landing at Ramstein Air Base in Germany around 4:30 a.m., hoping to acquire cigarettes and more booze.

White House press secretary Jay Carney stressed that at no time was President Obama in any danger. He also said that Visa has agreed to refund the $19,000 in unauthorized charges for prostitutes.