Reports of cosmic creaking as Apple juggernaut tilts back toward obsolescence

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Those who reside near Apple’s headquarters in Cupertino say the “cosmic creaking” signals the beginning of the end of the technology giant

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Witnesses who reside near Apple’s headquarters in this quiet California city have reported hearing tremendously loud creaking noises for the past few days, with one witness saying it seemed as if “the universe itself had gotten too big and was about to break in two.” The sounds, which first occurred just after Friday’s release of the iPhone 5, have been accompanied by reports of small black tornadoes forming in otherwise blue skies. Fred Nesbaum, a resident of nearby San Jose who worked for Apple for a decade before starting his own tech company, said he and others in the area foresee “a period of immense darkness” that will last for 1000 years. “Babies dying, mothers crying, monkeys flying,” he added in a low voice. “The end is nigh.”