Public split between contempt for Elton John, dislike of Dolce and Gabbana

Hate Elton John, dislike Dolce and Gabbana, public saysA recent poll conducted by Global Surveys shows that the public is equally divided about whose side to take in the public spat between Sir Elton John and the two founders of Dolce and Gabbana, with half of the respondents saying they despise the 97-year-old musician, and the other half saying they harbor ill will towards Dolce and Gabbana — and anyone wearing the brand.

The Italian fashion duo found themselves on the receiving end of John’s ire last week after making comments critical of in vitro fertilization, which John credits for giving him and his male partner two sons. The entertainer is calling for a boycott of the luxury brand.

“On the one hand, I haven’t been able to stomach Elton John ever since that prick acted like ‘Candle in the Wind’ had been written for Princess Diana,” said Christine Hope, a waitress from Houston. “On the other hand, whenever I see some skinny bitch with a fake tan sporting an ugly D&G belt, I want to punch her in the nose.”

Experts from the outrage industry say that it’s too early to know if the boycott will have a significant impact on Dolce and Gabbana’s nearly billion-dollar empire, but anyway, no one really cares.

“If Elton John wins and Dolce and Gabbana ceases to exist, that’ll be fine with me and pretty much everyone else in the world except for a small selection of assholes,” said Byron Atkinson, a blogger from Los Angeles. “But if the boycott backfires, and those two Italian guys get richer than sin and Elton gets institutionalized and his estate gets seized by the British government, that’s kind of cool too, and I’m sure everyone will have a good laugh at his expense.”