Planet Earth still doesn’t give a shit about Earth Day

earth doesn't give a shit about earth day

Photo of apathetic Earth courtesy of NASA

For the 44th consecutive year, the planet referred to by its human inhabitants as “Earth” is not showing interest in Earth Day, the calendar day set aside for its celebration.

While hundreds of millions of humans wish each other happy Earth Day, wear green t-shirts, plant trees and talk about carbon footprints, Earth is more concerned with rotating on its axis, according to anyone who really thinks about it.

Bob Ferguson, an outdoors enthusiast from Scotland, says he is thrilled that someone decided April 22 would be the day to give extra attention to our planet.

“Mother Earth is ailing,” Ferguson said. “We humans have done great harm to her, and if we don’t take action now, we will turn her into a bleak nothingness of pollution and waste.”

When asked for its reaction to the annual hoopla that has been taking place since 1970, when Earth Day was first celebrated, Earth appeared disinterested.

“Look at me,” Earth said. “Spinning, spinning and rotating around the Sun, 24/7, 365 days a year, faster than a speeding bullet.”